As a child growing up, I don't ever remember my father telling me that he loved me. I always knew he loved me, I just never heard the words. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized that he had been telling me he loved me all along. I had been listening for the 3 words "I love you" and he had been saying it in 11 words. "I sure am glad you came to our house to live." It was that experience that made me realize that to listen, we must use our hearts as well as our heads. The realization further peaked my interest not only in communication skills, but also in the fine art of listening.

Good listeners are not born, they are made. It takes continual practice to learn the fine technique of positive listening skills. As children we are taught how to communicate by the spoken and written word. Seldom however, does the American school system spend time teaching students how to listen effectively. When we find ourselves on our first part-time job, we are often at a loss for the most critical skill that helps us to serve the customer well. We may find ourselves taking orders at the local fast food establishment, listening to a customer ask for directions, or answering a business phone. All of these require that we have good listening skills. Ultimately as managers, we will be required to listen up to 60% of our workday.

The average person does not listen to the first seven seconds of any conversation. Depending on the task we perform, an individual may even tune out longer than seven seconds, since the task may be so redundant. I always answer my phone, "Hello, this is Eileen." Invariably the person calling me will hesitate, and then ask, "Is Eileen there?" I always chuckle knowing they were not listening initially.

In order to provide exceptional service, it is important that we listen carefully to the customer. There are simple techniques that when practiced, can make your listening skills exemplary. Try these techniques and see if it makes a difference for you.

Be patient. No two people will ever speak exactly the same way. Depending on their place of origin, their accent may make it more difficult to understand or to follow their speech patterns. Southerners, for example, often speak at a slower pace, as do New Englanders. New Yorkers, on the other hand may speak faster. When my family moved from California to Maine, I soon learned the challenge of different words for familiar items. A "milkshake" became a "frap", and "tennis shoes" became "sneakers". Different parts of the country use different words for the same items. Be sure to pay particular attention to the differences and clarify if you do not understand or know what a word means.

Maintain eye contact. Constant eye contact expresses you are interested in what the speaker has to say. Your eyes also express how you feel about the information they share. Your eyes can express happiness, playfulness, sorrow and concern. Your totally focused eyes indicate there is nothing more important than the speaker.

Convey interest. Acknowledge the information being shared by the speaker. You can do this not only with your eye contact, but also with a nod of the head, or a verbal "ahha", "I see", "interesting" or "really". These simple words indicate you are tuned in and interested in the speaker's information.

Tune into the message, not the delivery. It is easy to tune-out on a conversation, especially if we do not like the person, or we find their manner of speaking distracting. Pay particular attention to what the speaker is saying, not how they are saying it, to obtain all of the shared information. Listen for feelings as well as meanings. If someone is shouting, it is probably a good guess they are angry or frustrated. When you carefully listen to the speed of the message, voice inflections and tone, you can recognize the speaker's feelings and acknowledge them. A simple "I hear your anger" or "I hear your frustration" will help to dissipate anger and tension in the instance of the upset customer or co-worker.

Clarify with questions. Make sure you have heard all the information stated. Ask questions to obtain more information. This is particularly important with the individual who has the tendency to generalize. For example, you might ask, "When was the last time this happened?" or "Does all of the staff treat you this way or specific individuals?" Both of these questions require the speaker to respond with more specific information. The more information you have, the easier it will be to create solutions to the challenges they present.

Keep your opinions to yourself and think positive. You may think the speaker is not totally telling the truth, the ugliest person you have ever seen, or is the dumbest individual you have ever heard. Let those damaging thoughts go and focus on the positive. Look for something you do like about that person. Focus on those thoughts. When your opinions begin to creep into your thought process, your interaction and ability to listen to the speaker will be affected and potentially diminished. We have a tendency to shut down our listening ability when our opinions overtake our thought process.

Be slow to draw conclusions. It is very easy to jump to conclusions or pass judgement before you have gathered all the information. Be sure to show patience and allow the speaker to provide the total picture before you establish alternatives, draw conclusions or attempt to resolve a problem.

Credit:
Eileen O. Brownell is President of Training Solutions, a Chico, CA based firm. She is a business visionary who works with organizations who want repeat customers, and with people who want to provide outstanding service. She provides seminars and keynote addresses on customer service, conflict resolution, communication, and team development. She is the author of The 12 Secrets of Unforgettable Customer Care. Call Eileen at 1-888-324-6100 (e-mail Trainstars@aol.com) for more information on her speaking/training services and learning tools (www.eileenbrownell.com).

NBA boss
Feb 2001
Vol. 2, Issue 1, Page 12