Do you stop and pay attention when someone speaks to you? Do you look at the speaker? Are you fully present? This is the most efficient and effective use of your time. How so? It is far less likely that you will misunderstand, or have to ask for information to be repeated if you turn your attention to the speaker from the beginning.

The greatest compliment we can pay to another person is to truly listen to what they have to say. You've experienced the non-committal grunts, "Uh-huh's" and "Oh, really's" that indicate a person is hearing us but not listening to a word we say, right? There is a very big difference between hearing and listening. One uses only the ears, the other engages both the mind and the ears. When real listening occurs, the heart may also participate!

Do folks truly listen when you speak? There are ways to increase the likelihood that your messages are being received. When you have something important to communicate or ask, take the time to prepare. Ask yourself, "What do I want the outcome of this conversation to be?" Work backwards from there.

When you are speaking, you want to be heard. Otherwise, what would be the purpose of speaking? The same is true for everyone else. What can you do to get the attention of others?

First, use the name of person to whom you are speaking. Everyone likes to hear their name and it gives them a moment to turn their attention to you.

If you wish to speak to someone about something that is very important, ask them if this is a good time to talk. If it is not, set an appointment to talk at a specific time in the near future. There is no point in trying to talk to someone who is preoccupied, or, whose priorities may be overriding your message at this moment.

Know what you want to say before you begin. It shows respect for the listener to have gathered your thoughts and prepared your approach before you initiate an important conversation.

If people are obviously not listening, do not continue to talk. The pregnant pause becomes very obvious to them and encourages them to refocus on your message. Stop talking until the receiver becomes aware of the silence.

When you want to focus another's attention, shift your position to eliminate any distractions he or she might see behind you, or move closer to them in a non-menacing fashion to achieve more communication closeness.

If your listener's eyes are wandering, use a gesture to return their attention to you. Lift your upwardly pointed index finger into their line of sight to make a point. Once they are focused on your movement and your finger, slowly bring it back to just under your chin. This will cause them to refocus on you and your words.

In a meeting, ask others to take notes. Just simply say, "Do me a favor and take a couple of quick notes about this because it is important." You'll be surprised when people just automatically pick up their pens and begin to write.

Remember, the responsibility for communication rests with you. Just because you said something does not mean it was heard. Your message is important to your relationships. Use these tips to increase your effectiveness. Don't just be heard. Be listened to!

(C) Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved worldwide.

Credit:
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Author of several books, programs & audio tapes, Seattle-based, Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, speaks for corporations, conferences, and conventions on People Skills Are Power Tools: Build 'Soft' Skills to Sharpen Your Competitive Edge(TM). Dr. Shaler trains & coaches management and employees to improve workplace relationships, manage conflict and anger, and, build and strengthen teams.
http://www.SpeakingAboutWork.com
http://www.RhobertaShaler.com
http://www.GetLifeLinedUp.com
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