by Wendy Betterini
http://www.CreativeWorkAtHome.com
© 2006
When we first decide to make the transition
from an outside job to a home-based job or business, some of us
might face a dilemma
-- a spouse who suddenly seems uncooperative and difficult. Even
if our spouse is usually good-natured, we might find ourselves
enmeshed in arguments and battles for control over our own
careers.
While this can be frustrating, it is important
to understand
that our spouses are probably not trying to be difficult
without reason. More likely, they have concerns that are being
expressed in erratic ways. If you suspect this is the case in
your own household, you might want to open the lines of
communication and encourage your spouse to share his or her
reasons for not wanting you to work at home.
Following are some of the most common concerns,
and ideas for
dealing with them:
Decreased Income.
Your spouse may be worried that your salary will be less than
what it is in a traditional job. Unfortunately, this is true in
most cases. Telecommuting jobs usually pay far less than jobs
in an office would. Even if you start your own business, it can
take time to build up a decent income. If your spouse earns enough
money to cover the household expenses, he or she might be agreeable
to a reduced income from you temporarily, but if your spouse's
income isn't enough to cover everything, you might need to compromise
on your wish to work at home so you don't get into debt and cause
financial difficulty for the family. Possible compromises might
include keeping your regular job and working to build your own
business after work hours, or working a regular part-time job,
while working a part-time telecommuting job from home. You can
also focus on building up enough savings to carry your loss of
income for the first several months of working at home. Aim for
at least 6 months of your normal salary, perhaps even a year,
depending on the type of business or job you are working toward.
Sacrificing Luxuries.
Your spouse might also be concerned that less income means he
or she will have to give up extras that your salary makes possible,
like entertainment, dinner out, more expensive vehicles, etc.
This is also a valid concern. While most of us spend much more
than we really need to on recreational activities, it's also not
fair to expect our spouses to give up the smaller pleasures in
life either. If your spouse is willing to work together with you
on your desire to work at home, you might be able to agree on
some smaller sacrifices that you can both make temporarily. You
and your spouse will need to go over where your money goes, and
see what you are both willing to do without. You can also find
creative ways to replace the things you have sacrificied. For
example, instead of going out to dinner 3 times a week, cut down
to once a week, and then make more creative family dinners at
home, trying new recipes to keep things interesting. You can rent
movies to watch at home rather than going to the theater, or spend
the day at a local park instead of visiting an expensive amusment
park.
It's Not Really Work.
One of the most maddening experiences is having our spouses believe
that we sit home all day doing nothing when we "work at home".
They might believe that we just want to sit home with the kids
all day, watching television or chatting on the phone. If you
are not yet working at home, it can be a major challenge to convince
your spouse that you do indeed plan to work, but you might try
explaining the type of work you plan to do, how many hours a day
you plan to work, and how much income you are planning to earn.
This can help them put it into perspective in measurable terms.
If you already work at home and your spouse treats it like fun
and games, it might be helpful to have him or her sit down with
you for a short time one day and demonstrate exactly what you
do. In my experience, the paychecks were the turning point. Once
my husand saw that I was indeed bringing in an income, he began
to take my work more seriously.
It's All a Scam.
Unfortunately, many of our spouses are cynical about work at home
jobs, because they see so many scams. Even worse is if they know
someone who got burned by a scam or shady business opportunity.
They might have the skewed idea that all work at home opportunities
are like that. In situations like this, you can show your spouse
the websites of legitimate companies that hire telecommuters,
or have him or her read postings on a work at home community.
Again, once you begin bringing in the paychecks, this fear will
vanish.
Jealousy.
Believe it or not, your spouse's concerns might be caused by a
veiled sense of jealousy. Why should you get to sit home in your
comfy sweatpants and earn an income when he or she has to trudge
off to a lousy job every day? Especially if your spouse doesn't
particularly like his or her job, they might resist the idea of
you working at home while he or she deals with arrogant bosses
and office politics. This is completely understandable, and many
of us would feel the same way, wouldn't we? This is a tricky objection
to overcome, but it is possible. Perhaps you can talk to your
spouse about helping him or her transition to a home-based career
too, and you would both eventually be working from home. Your
spouse might be willing to compromise by allowing you to build
up your business to the point where it could support the family
and then he or she would be free to pursue their own business
venture. You can also start a business together and work on it
in alternating shifts. For example, you can work on the business
for a few hours during the day while your spouse is at work, and
he or she could do a little work on it in the evenings, and you
can both work together on it Saturday mornings. Once the business
begins bringing in enough profit, your spouse can come home permanently.
Ultimately, I believe that our spouses want us
to be happy in
our work, just like we wish the same for them. We just might
need to work on them a little to convince them working at home
is not only possible, but beneficial for everyone. If the above
suggestions haven't convinced your spouse, you might need to put
some figures down in black and white and show your spouse how
much it costs to work outside the home. You might need to list
the benefits of having one parent at home, or ask them to give
you the benefit of the doubt and let you prove your ability to
make it work.
I would love to say to you, "Your career
is YOUR business; no
one else's," because that is what I truly believe. However,
that's easy for me to say because I'm not the one living in
your household, facing the hostility from your spouse!
The truth is, everyone in your home will be happier
if you and
your spouse can come to an agreement, rather than stubbornly
butting heads. If your spouse refuses to work with you at all
on your desire to work at home, you may face some tough
decisions. The best advice I can give you is to consider your
options fully, and make the choices that you feel would benefit
everyone the most, including your spouse.
