© Emma
Wortt of Em-powering Executives, 2008. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.em-poweringexecutives.co.uk
The
person with the most flexibility in thinking and behaviour has the most influence
on any interaction. - NLP presupposition.
As
the boss concentrating on reaching your department's goals it can be easy to fall
into the trap of focusing on how other people need to change in order to reach
those goals.
Is there someone with whom you need to communicate
regularly but who always leaves you thinking you just haven't got through or made
a difference? They just don't seem to understand; their body language and attitude
are all wrong; they try to appease you by saying yes and no in the right places
but then fail to take action or change the situation. Or perhaps they argue with
you; or back off and go quiet; or blame someone else. And the same thing happens
every time. It's a pattern.
Throughout these exchanges you're
thinking:
* He's got to change
* Why
isn't she listening to me?
* Why doesn't he ever seem to
understand?
* Her attitude is really getting through to
me
* Why can't he see the big picture I'm describing?
*
Why doesn't she take action about this situation?
If you
identify with this scenario and you are now waiting for me to tell you how to
change other people, I'm afraid you're in for a disappointment.
What
I'm actually going to do is get you to look at your own contribution to this pattern.
Ask
yourself:
* In what ways do I react every time with this
person?
* How does the interaction start?
*
Then what happens?
* Then what happens?
Continue
asking this last question until you have worked out the complete pattern that
occurs when you try to communicate with this individual.
Work
out and recognise the parts you are playing which contribute towards and maintain
the pattern.
Then ask yourself:
*
How could I break this pattern?
* What could I do differently?
*
If I put myself in their position for a moment, what is causing their reaction?
*
What is the best way to approach this person to change the reaction I normally
get from them?
* How does this person need me to react in
order for them to behave differently?
The quote at the top
of this article is worth repeating. It can be a very powerful idea if you take
it on board:
'The person with the most flexibility in thinking
and behaviour has the most influence on any interaction.'
